holes in my nowhere
yes, i couldn't agree more
sometimes i am certain that the only possible function of words is to
fall into silence
to skitter across the surface of the milky way and
vanish into emptiness
but, i also notice
that so long as i appear in the i me mine realm of mind
in the deeply seated habit and condition of a me
words just happen
i bump into them continually
they just tumble out of holes in my nowhere
they're part of the inner landscape of a me
like a big bag of compulsive pet rocks cast willy nilly about the void whose apparent function is always
to trip me up
sometimes i am certain that the only possible function of words is to
fall into silence
to skitter across the surface of the milky way and
vanish into emptiness
but, i also notice
that so long as i appear in the i me mine realm of mind
in the deeply seated habit and condition of a me
words just happen
i bump into them continually
they just tumble out of holes in my nowhere
they're part of the inner landscape of a me
like a big bag of compulsive pet rocks cast willy nilly about the void whose apparent function is always
to trip me up
i can see why silence is the first fundamental practice of all spiritual teachings
follow the pebbles follow the rocks follow the planets follow the galaxies
back to their source
back to the violent silent first moment of the big bang
and beyond
follow the pebbles follow the rocks follow the planets follow the galaxies
back to their source
back to the violent silent first moment of the big bang
and beyond
you have landed
picture a hand
a disembodied horizontal hand appearing in darkness
some kind of magician's magic trick
it's all in the pin-point lighting
and the strategically placed black backdrops
the hand is stark white
it slips
ever so slowly
into a blue
yellow
or a pink plastic dishwashing glove
whatever your personal preference
just floats into the bright colorful glove in total silence
like jane fonda getting dressed in barbarella with the sound off
without jane
or televised images of space modules docking in silent infinite space
only no roger houston
and no hal 2000 quotes
a disembodied horizontal hand appearing in darkness
some kind of magician's magic trick
it's all in the pin-point lighting
and the strategically placed black backdrops
the hand is stark white
it slips
ever so slowly
into a blue
yellow
or a pink plastic dishwashing glove
whatever your personal preference
just floats into the bright colorful glove in total silence
like jane fonda getting dressed in barbarella with the sound off
without jane
or televised images of space modules docking in silent infinite space
only no roger houston
and no hal 2000 quotes
so the white hand floats into the bright pink glove
or blue
or yellow
your choice
and the brightly colored gloved hand turns in a downward trajectory
and descends
ever so slowly
slowly and silently
into a well-lit globular glass fish bowl
which is also just floating there in the black void
with a bright orange goldfish
bobbling around inside of it
or not
could be a small green painted box turtle
locked tightly in its quizzical shell on the bottom of the bowl
or a pair of translucent guppies contemplating infinity
or blue
or yellow
your choice
and the brightly colored gloved hand turns in a downward trajectory
and descends
ever so slowly
slowly and silently
into a well-lit globular glass fish bowl
which is also just floating there in the black void
with a bright orange goldfish
bobbling around inside of it
or not
could be a small green painted box turtle
locked tightly in its quizzical shell on the bottom of the bowl
or a pair of translucent guppies contemplating infinity
now
imagine yourself to be
imagine yourself to be
that hand
your whole body is that hand inside of that rubber glove
feeling around inside that fish bowl
feel the pressure of the water closing in around you
pushing against the glove pushing against
the entire surface of your form
it feels tight
pleasantly tight
over the entire surface of your skin
and warm
comfortably warm
comfortably warm and securely enclosing
your whole body is that hand inside of that rubber glove
feeling around inside that fish bowl
feel the pressure of the water closing in around you
pushing against the glove pushing against
the entire surface of your form
it feels tight
pleasantly tight
over the entire surface of your skin
and warm
comfortably warm
comfortably warm and securely enclosing
ok
go ahead and walk around with your fingers
walk around with your index finger and middle finger on the bottom of the bowl inside the glove
la-di-da-di-da......... la--la--di-da....... laa---laaa---laaaaa......
just walk around on the bottom of the bowl for awhile
and get the hang of it
go ahead and walk around with your fingers
walk around with your index finger and middle finger on the bottom of the bowl inside the glove
la-di-da-di-da......... la--la--di-da....... laa---laaa---laaaaa......
just walk around on the bottom of the bowl for awhile
and get the hang of it
you have just incarnated on planet earth
the water planet
you will notice that your climate-controlled dive suit
is perfectly contoured and designed
to make it possible for you to breathe and function here
here the infinite you
will forget
the entire rest of your infinite formless form and
imagine that you are
just a hand
a disembodied hand inside a bright pink plastic glove
walking around on the bottom of a globular glass fish bowl
filled with breathable liquid
the water planet
you will notice that your climate-controlled dive suit
is perfectly contoured and designed
to make it possible for you to breathe and function here
here the infinite you
will forget
the entire rest of your infinite formless form and
imagine that you are
just a hand
a disembodied hand inside a bright pink plastic glove
walking around on the bottom of a globular glass fish bowl
filled with breathable liquid
you will live an entire imaginary life within the parameters of this fish bowl
you will dream
you will sleep and dream
you will dream and dream and dream
and
someday perhaps
aeons and aeons from now
you will dream
you will sleep and dream
you will dream and dream and dream
and
someday perhaps
aeons and aeons from now
when you finally get tired of dreaming
tiny bronze bell
the whole earth
it's just a diving bell
with a long tube going up and up and up......
just a tiny bronze and glass diving bell that we slip on our heads at birth
so we can breathe while
we're exploring around inside
inside of our own bellies
and then we grow
and we grow and we grow and we grow and.......
after a while
the bell shatters
and we grow and we grow and we grow and.......
after a while
the bell shatters
arrive but not yet
Yes I sometimes meet up with 'what is' with an if only mind, pure pointless habit of mind but not too often these days. My spring mind is not resistant, just well-trained to think spring when petals of yellow, purple, red are everywhere and I think I'm in a state of preparation for some shift in my understanding - not quite ready for it, but there's a blankness to my mind when I see these colors with the blue sky and pleasant breeze, like something will arrive but not yet, that feels like spring
..........
anticipation of birth
a feeling sense of flowing into being
the wet green fuse squirming up
awakenings on the wind
aliveness under hoof
the scent of color
fragrance of sound
must fly
must build
make must
musk mate
a feeling sense of flowing into being
the wet green fuse squirming up
awakenings on the wind
aliveness under hoof
the scent of color
fragrance of sound
must fly
must build
make must
musk mate
burial at sea
imagine a box
a box big enough to hold every thought
that you have ever had in your entire life
and put all of your thoughts
past present and future in that
box which you are picturing
a box big enough to hold every thought
that you have ever had in your entire life
and put all of your thoughts
past present and future in that
box which you are picturing
now imagine another box
an even bigger box
a box to hold every thought that everyone has ever had
every thought of everyone who has ever existed and
every thought of every one who exists now.....
(and every person who will ever exist?!)
what the hell
why not?
make it a really really really big box
an even bigger box
a box to hold every thought that everyone has ever had
every thought of everyone who has ever existed and
every thought of every one who exists now.....
(and every person who will ever exist?!)
what the hell
why not?
make it a really really really big box
a huge gi-mongo-saurus blue whale of a box
one that can fit
every thought that has ever been thought plus every thought that is being thought right now and
every thought that ever will be thought
anytime anywhere by any sentient being
every thought that has ever been thought plus every thought that is being thought right now and
every thought that ever will be thought
anytime anywhere by any sentient being
ever
just dump all of these endless thoughts into this
gigantic box
this massive architectural masterpiece of human engineering that you are picturing
and
gigantic box
this massive architectural masterpiece of human engineering that you are picturing
and
don't forget!!
most important.....
put the box of every thought
that you ever had in your entire life
and ever will
inside of this new bigger box as well
put the box of every thought
that you ever had in your entire life
and ever will
inside of this new bigger box as well
ok
now
just for fun
put the unenlightened one
the one you thought you were
the one you think you are
the one who meditates for the sake of all sentient beings and all the rest.....
the one who will become enlightened maybe in ten thousand lifetimes of devoted spiritual practice
or not
the one you picture yourself to be in your mind
the good one the bad one the enlightened one the unenlightened one whatever....
put the i the you the me the it
whatever you call yourself
yesterday today tomorrow
whatever you imagine yourself to be
that one
you know who you are.....
that one squirming on the meditation cushion!!
put that one
in the box
the same box
that you imagine to hold all of the thoughts which you thought in your entire life
and ever will.......
and bury that one
with all the rest
in the silent ground of being
just for fun
put the unenlightened one
the one you thought you were
the one you think you are
the one who meditates for the sake of all sentient beings and all the rest.....
the one who will become enlightened maybe in ten thousand lifetimes of devoted spiritual practice
or not
the one you picture yourself to be in your mind
the good one the bad one the enlightened one the unenlightened one whatever....
put the i the you the me the it
whatever you call yourself
yesterday today tomorrow
whatever you imagine yourself to be
that one
you know who you are.....
that one squirming on the meditation cushion!!
put that one
in the box
the same box
that you imagine to hold all of the thoughts which you thought in your entire life
and ever will.......
and bury that one
with all the rest
in the silent ground of being
beautiful bush
the flannel bush outside the kitchen here is
going off showing off gold
a grand dame attitude
golden chains of green prayer medallions
yellow sunbursts
filled with goodness
i love that bush
the sublime goodness of attachment and grasping
here we go again..... maybe.....
let me thank you at the outset for attending these rambling, clumsy emails
attachment and grasping occur automatically at a deep level.... at the level of the heart beat.... the level of breathing.... it is natural for spirit to have attachment to the body and to grasp onto embodied life..... otherwise, the body glove wouldn't stick onto spirit...... we..... eternal, unborn spirit consciousness, could not be born..... we couldn't stick around in embodied existence.... attend the show.... attachment at this deep level is necessary for spiritual embodiment in human form
it's ok to be attached in reality.... actually, it's unavoidable
the perceived problem occurs..... only when this perfectly natural attachment and grounding at the gross level of the gut..... this native position of graceful holding on.... which seats and secures us in the human body form..... and in spirit.... this gravitational field.... which simultaneously and spontaneously arises within and without..... somehow beyond our conscious control.... appears to drift upward and outward.... apparently off center
eventually forming a perceived network of rigid likes and dislikes, fundamental needs or strategies of survival in the world at large..... culminating in a learned, felt and imagined.... self-projected, illusory, strategic self.... or ego-I..... which appears to be a "soul".... or indwelling owner-inhabitant..... of (my) mind, (my) body and (my) heart.... which identifies with all kinds of garbage, at the level of thinking mind..... appears to create thought-formed arms of clinging attachment and mental hands of grasping..... toward ideas, beliefs, conceptual matrices, self-images, others, religious dogmas, philosophical meanderings, theories of all kinds, etc.... all the imagined and highly personalized stuff.... while, at the level of feeling heart.... appears to generate a heart-knot or feeling-contraction within apparent separation.... that manifests quite usefully, if painfully.... as suffering..... or, as a longing for an other.... a someone or something to love.... a puppy or a puppy love.... a soul mate.... another lover and another.... a few failed marriages, partnerships, whomever..... businesses of all kinds, perhaps.... on and on seeking, searching the realms of this self-projected..... heart-feeling of apparent separation from heart wholeness.... eventually coalescing around a deepening, grinding spiritual longing.... that seeks for the Very Truth of incarnate existence.... both from the point of view of the mind..... testing high dharmas, higher philosophies and higher yet.... esoteric.... secret soaring enlightened teaching ideas and subtle practices from the highest realms.... trying them all out.... discarding them one by one.... after trying them on for a time like so many pairs of wooden wings... and seeking union with a perfect lover, perfect master, perfect self.... god, goddess or enlightened buddha in a pureland.... one guru and another.... only to be disappointed ultimately with the external search of higher and higher.... and finally sinking lower and lower and lower.....
into the deeper land of an inner, subtle, and deeper and deeper..... spiritual inner quest..... of highs and lows and enlightenment experiences, awakening moments, deep spiritual insights, flights of wonder, dreams of beauty and perfect oneness, horror and disappointment, etc.... which eventually culminates in a crisis state of..... hopeless despair, utter disillusionment again, within infinite longing and failure.... where spirit nature finally finds it has stumbled haplessly back into the gut and bowels of existence in form.... at the point where the journey began
here in the bowels of existence... the mental riddle or mystery meat and meaning of life.... the heart knot of longing for union, for perfect wholeness, for a divine lover.... each and every perfect little god project..... all of it, of us.... is seen through as an action we are doing.... and this grasping action is finally dissolved in itself.... seen through.... or consumed by and as the primal fear in the gut that naturally serves to hold us in form... is recognized for what it is.... the tie that binds eternal life.... to mortal existence.... spirit to matter
this conscious witnessing and seeing of the mechanism of embodiment..... this seeing into and beyond the clinching fear of death, disembodiment, annihilation.... this singular gift of grace, of seeing into and through into.... and eventually from within and as..... the bright seed of consciousness itself.... this witnessing of the perfectly natural root of embodiment in the soil of existence... what may appear to arise at first as a sensation we call deep-seated, or primal fear..... like the fear of falling..... and even the sensation falling itself.... this dropping in.... this unhooking of the bodily tether and flying into infinite space.... by the allowing and merely observing and feeling exquisitely into this root sensation deep within the gut, the feeling of being seated upon the seat of the pants...... this oddly familiar sensation of primordial unknowingness..... we experience directly in a state we call meditation perhaps.... this letting go into fear into nothing....slowly induces relaxation within awareness upon repeated accompaniment.... intentional seeing and sitting still with.... thus allowing spirit.... the formless, unborn rock of existence.... to peer through from within the bright mystery..... instilling a humanly letting go into the void..... an embrace of unknowing.... which simultaneously and paradoxically arises as a.... blossoming out of nothing or..... a flow..... a whole-hearted explosion into the world of manifestation
oh dear.... what a pile of silly, jostling heap, of cantankerous words.... I'm malling a perfectly empty email.....anyway
this apparent and very real and heartfelt awakening into the unborn state.... the state or condition beyond fear.... which is actually not really a state at all.... not a state in the sense of higher or lower.... better or worse kind of place, or experience exactly
this awakening feels like a letting go into, as and beyond reality itself
it is the death of the seeker, the end of seeking..... sort of.... for a time..... nevertheless
the awake one.... the one whose shoulders shrug
upon awakening.... perceives all that is..... to be natural.... perfectly designed.... even attachment and suffering are seen to be part of the plan, the play, the way..... samsara is seen to be simultaneous to and inseparable from nirvana.... an important, intrinsic part of the human play of existence
nothing ever happened to spirit.... and yet everything did happen from the position of embodiment.... spirit was never hurt.... and yet the body is sure a ragged, tattered and scarred mess.... hahaha!!!!!
ah, well......there was/is only ripening, unfolding, growth..... life and death occurring all along the way
being and becoming
birth aging sickness and death are seen only as impermanent forms of the play that is........ the eternal ripening of the void
all is good
and all is well
in this world and all worlds
even in Queensland, yes?
christ, you really don't have to read this.... naturally, I'm only talking to myself....
when will I shut up, Leslie?
perhaps, when you are safe and sound.... within my belly....
meow
