So I had this dream last night.... I'm at a thriftstore somewhere like back in New Hampshire.... and I find this box full of a set of glass dishes and cups and bowls.... the whole table setting of glass everything for eight bucks.... and I'm thinking, well.... I don't need this, but.... what a good buy, you know.... and there's this sink there in the middle of the thriftshop and so I wash all of the glass dishes, etc and leave them on a drain board next to the sink to dry.... then I go about the thriftshop looking for other stuff.... I'm checking out all these old vacuum cleaners, like I used to like to do.... looking for old models that I used to use in Boston..... and I'm looking for old sewing machines like I'm looking for now on Craigslist.... Singer Featherweight 221's from the fifties for sewing quilts.... and by the time I get back to the sink in the thriftshop, there's this guy and he's putting all the dishes back in the box and planning to buy them himself.... so I get in an argument with the guy.... I'm telling him that I just washed the dishes and I'm buying them and he can't have them... and he's saying no, he's buying them.... and I end up in one of those thriftshop tug of wars with another buyer like used to happen back in the day when I would try to collect all that crap from the past back in Boston to make art out of.... all that crap that ended up in the barn in New Hampshire eventually.... all that heavy crap we had to haul up to New Hampshire that I eventually had to try to yard sale again and finally had to pay someone to haul to the dump when the thriftstores in Concord wouldn't take it all.... you know what I'm talking about.... you had to haul all those sets of dishes away for Polly.....
point one..... you can see the link ups here in this example from the dream world..... dreams are always about the past.... some of it recent past, some of it ancient history.... but, dreams access memory.... our deeper selves are just that.... heaps of stuff from the past.... karmic traces.... and the memory vaults are just
heaped up with old junk.... stored memories.... it all gets piled up like in an old barn... the storage vaults are made out of electro-magnetic circuits.... like dots and dashes.... on/off switches like in computers.... but, they're not distinctly separate.... what I mean is.... the electro-magnetism leaks.... like toxic waste.... and all of the memory shit.... karmic traces of events and emotions and thoughts from the past...... gets all oozed together like in a waste dump.... so memories kind of bleed together... it's all in there, but.... it all mixes and merges into a grand toxic personal super-fund site
ok, now back to the action.... so this old guy and I are arguing over this goddamn set of glass table wear.... he really wants it and feels like he found it first, but I bully him out of it.... because I know I found it first and I'm right.... yadda-yadda.... that's the action of ego....
point two.... ego is a warrior.... ego is always ready for a fight.... that is the nature of ego.... fighting, warring, who's right, who's wrong..... the battleground..... that's the home turf of ego.... I wasn't looking for a fight.... I wasn't even looking for a set of glass dishes that I don't even need, but.... there you have it.... get ego's back up and he's willing to kill for something he doesn't even need.... willing to die for an idea, a cause, whatever.... that's the ego.... can't miss him..... ego is pretty much every hero, every warrior who has ever lived.... hahaha!!!! familiar karmic territory for this ego....
then the dream shifts and I'm back in the 1963 Buick.... the old car I used to drive all around New England in.... hunting for majollica with my mother and Debbie..... remember the old green Buick?.... the past again, right.... that's all dreams are..... storage vaults of completely disorganized files of the past being opened like mail bombs at night.... so I'm driving down a hill like anywhere Vermont or New Hampshire.... only blip ahead some.... the lady in the car next to me is Lisa.... my current girlfriend....
who is currently in Bear Lake, Michigan taking care of her old folks.... I've mentioned her, but you haven't met her.... anyway, I'm driving down the road with Lisa, going down a steep hill.... and I'm telling her.... or rather, like I do.... I'm lecturing her.... going on and on about how the universe is always trying to point us in the right direction.... I'm telling her how, I was just buying this set of goddamn glass dishes and there was this other guy there who was trying to buy the dishes as well and I was fighting with him over the dishes and..... it was the universe trying to talk me out of the buying the goddamn dishes that I didn't need in the first place, but I wasn't listening to the universe.... see? and she says, well how much was the set of dishes?..... and I say, eight bucks for the whole set.... and she says, well, I probably would have bought them too and just put them away in storage because that's such a good price and.... yadda-yadda.... I'm not listening to her.... I'm making a point, like I always am....
point three..... ego is always obsessed with points.... football, basketball, the stock market, science, religion, philosophy..... all the rest.... anything that's about points..... that's the ego.... that's the mind's territory again.... all about points, making and defending them....
so...... I'm espousing my vision of the universe and how it works.... trying to make my point.... I'm Mr. Wizard and just want Peabody with the thick glasses to shut up and listen to me.... I have another goddamn vision of the promised land..... I'm Moses come down from the mountain top..... shut the fuck up, Peabody.... you're a nobody..... I'm a somebody..... listen to me.....
point four..... ego is a somebody..... everyone else is a nobody..... ego is god..... mind is his kingdom on earth.... shut the fuck up and listen to what Moses here has to say.... he's pointing the way to
.......no no no, I'm saying.... you don't get it.... the universe sent this guy to try to stop me from buying these goddamn dishes.... I've already been through this.... I've already filled barns with this goddamn shit that I never need..... and just as I'm railing on about my superior vision of the universe.... I barely notice this car passing in the other lane, flashing its lights at me.... I'm too wrapped up in my thoughts and trying to express them.... so I don't pay much attention to the car flashing its lights....
next the dream shifts....
point five..... the dream always shifts.... reality from the perspective of mind is constantly shifting.... eyes open, eyes closed.... fucking reality never sits still for a moment.... it's a goddamn constantly shifting funhouse of mirrors.... the coded infinity of mind wiggles and squirms like a four year old brat with adhd trapped in a classroom..... the fucker just won't sit still for a goddamn minute.... can't get a hold of a thought and pin it down, but never mind
suddenly..... always suddenly..... same old suddenly..... I've come to the end of the road at the bottom of this long hill.... the road ends like it often does in New England backroads at some old farm house from the nineteenth century.... so I see this house, and it's the end of the road..... but, instead of turning around.... it's a dream right?.... I say, well.... it's the end of the road, but I'm just going to drive onto the rotten old side porch of the house and drive off the back porch... still in the '63 Buick mind you.... makes sense, right?!..... and next thing I know I'm just driving down a hillside with gullies and bumpy fields of rocks and I'm just trying to navigate the old Buick through complete New England hillside natural landscape chaos like the old farm in New Hampshire..... weeeeeeeee... here we go down a hillside in a '63 Buick into madness.... I get a last glimpse of Lisa looking at me like.... what the fuck are you doing? and I wake up
hahahaha!!!!
all the old past images folded nicely.... creatively and insanely.... into the new conceptual matrix of mental dreamland..... the total un-reality of the mind..... the depraved, artistic self playing in the toxic waste dump of karmic traces.... good old egoic me..... just winging it.... then as now
just as I'm waking up out of dreamland.... I look at the shades in my bedroom to see if I can see the outlines of light leaking in around the edges.... to let me know if it's almost day time yet.... or if I'm awake at three or four am and still need to sleep a few more hours.... or just lie there and contemplate the meaning of the dream.... I can see the outline which tells me it's near daybreak.... and then it hits me
the flashing lights of the passing car as I was going down hill on the road in the old Buick!!!!! the universe was trying to tell me that I was doing something wrong.... just like the guy who was trying to grab the dishes away from me at the thrift shop!!!! dang..... I was too busy driving and shooting my mouth off about my philosophical understanding of the universe and how it works.... to pay attention to exactly what the universe was trying to tell me.... like
shut the fuck up and turn around..... pay attention....
if I weren't so busy trying to tell Lisa all about my big important discovery about the universe in the form of the man in the thrift shop.... the events of the past in the dream.... if I weren't so busy looking in the rearview mirror at the same time as talking and trying to make a point in the present.... if I weren't so busy looking backward into the past.... maybe I would have seen the car going by at exactly the same time flashing its lights trying to tell me
shut up and turn the fuck around asshole!!!! pay attention in the present moment....
you're about to drive off a fucking rotten porch at the end of the road and end up in the same abyss you always end up in.... in the karmic waste heap of the past memory traces of..... the back fucking ass of nowhere!!!!
hello!!!!
wake up you stupid motherfucker!!!! hahahaha!!!!
the question is..... point six?!
will I ever wake the fuck up from the dream of life and
